The Space Pirates Review

The Space Pirates

Do you have any idea what we’re doing here?

Story 49, Episodes 239-244, Season 6 Episodes 29-34

Doctor: The Second Doctor

Companions: Jamie McCrimmon, Zoe Heriot

In this story, things happen. There’s a conspiracy with pirates in space, and all kind of doesn’t really work.

The Review

Did you think this guy would have an absurd Southern accent?

For some reason, The Space Pirates centers its story around one of the most absurd characters in show history: Southern spacefarer Milo Clancy. Clancy has a ridiculously awful accent, and is a completely unbelievable character. As such, people think he is involved in this pirating conspiracy because Clancy sounds too fake to be true, but no, he’s really an old school space freighter guy. I cannot believe the bizarre world building. The head Space Corps guy has a weird thick accent, and the women wear Egyptian prince sequel headpieces. I thought from pictures I’d seen that Clancy was some dramatic villain perhaps with a German accent, not a Southern crazy. There is some good idea in old school out of data space freighters like the early hackers in real life, but it doesn’t work.

Yes Jamie, the reconstructors did great work

As for the Doctor, Jamie, and Zoe, they don’t have too much to do with this story. They arrive on a beacon that is broken up to be later mined, the Doctor accidentally shoots the TARDIS into space, and it has to be found off-screen at the end of the story. We think Jamie might get shot by a pirate, but of course it’s false. So that’s that. This story just isn’t good. I do want to give one last shoutout to the heroes of 60s Who: the reconstructors. With nearly 100 missing episodes, the work that fans have put in to create this reconstructions to the point where I remember it like I watched it: I’ve got so much respect for the contributions that you have put in to make these old stories watchable. Thank you!

The chilling operatic music from the Ice Warriors has returned, to good effect. I really liked that.

5.7/10. I’m done making excuses for these episodes. Can’t wait for the next show too.

The future is not going to look like this people

 

The Lie of the Land Review

The Lie of the Land

“Maybe he is a good writer?”

Story 272, Episode 835, Series 10 Episode 8

Doctor: The Twelfth Doctor

Companions: Bill Potts, Nardole

Doctor Who throws up its first miss in many years as The Lie of the Land makes all the wrong choice in a completely ridiculous solution to the Monks story that undermines the previous two episodes.

The Review

Who are they really? How are they so powerful? What is their plan? Why do they immediately run away like wusses?

The Monks have taken world, it’s a totalitarian state, how can they be beaten? Quite easily in fact, you’re in luck! First off, the episode completely misses on the Monks, because we learn nothing about them. They take over, for what? In fact, a Monk never speaks! What?! Second, for all their advanced simulation device and everything, the Doctor, Bill, and Nardole all escape quite easily and make it to the hitherto unmentioned cathedral pyramid transmitting the Monk’s fake news. Despite a pretty great scene where the Monks are shown fighting the soldiers the Doctor recruited, the solution turns out to be that Bill’s memory of her mom overpowers everything, and the Monks go ‘nope’ and flee immediately.

I mean I knew it was 95% a fakeout, but what’s the goal here? To show newbies a regeneration effect?

The show has the fascinating concept of the Doctor turned evil informing the planet that the Monks have indeed always been here. The show should’ve cut that out or made it the episode’s focus, as it so immediately resolved that it cheapens the Doctor’s test of Bill to ensure she’s fighting the mind control. There’s even a fake-out regeneration to mess with her I guess where he just bursts out some energy. Even more bizarre is the solution (unlike Turn Left or Last of the Time Lords), the timeline is not reversed! All this happened! The Monks were here, there were ‘memory policeman’, for six months, and everybody just kind of forgets about it. Now that’s a heck of a leap. Basically everything was ridiculously easy for the main cast, and the Monks barely get time to be villains. Such a downfall from their harrowing first appearance in Extremis.

“What took you so long?”

There’s a third piece of this episode, and that is Missy, as the vault is finally glimpsed. She is restrained both literally in the show and in Michelle Gomez’s performance as a Master that is starting to feel bad about all the evil she’s done. This is a pretty interesting idea to be honest, and the payoff is hopefully going to be great in the immense finale. With Mondasian Cybermen, Missy’s definite escape, and John Simm out of nowhere, that’s a lot, even for a finale. The main cast acts everything well again, but I feel that the show is not really delving as deep into Bill as they could be. She’s bright and entertaining and this episode should’ve done that, but it seems more and more I’ll remember Bill as a fun but inconsequential companion which is a shame as Pearl Mackie is great.

This episode completely misses the runway in the landing of the Monks arc, and ends up crashed in a forest or a river. After all the build-up, the talk of the Monks as such terrifying threats, they are dealt with quite easily (in a way undermining their incredible powers), and then they run away AND THEN everybody kind of forgets it ever happened? I wish I could forget this is how the Monks Trilogy ended.

5.75/10 The lowest grade I’ve ever given a story so far. Mainly because of how much it managed to completely tank the Monks arc, and potentially the season. If you think Series 10 has been better than Series 9, who are you?

Oh Bill, I so wish you could stay for the 13th Doctor and develop more, but you seem fated for just this season